Above the pearly gates in Writerโs Purgatoryโฆ
…there is a question painted gold, floating letters:
โWhat is the Most Important Rule of Writing?โ
Ahead, a vaguely androgynous guardian stood over a marble lectern, scribbling in a book with gold-leafed pages.
When she saw me, a deep frown creased her otherwise flawless face.
She asked, โDo you have your answer?โ
She – it was easier for me to think of her as a โshe,โ though I wonder if divine beings have much use for gender – was in the shape of a human.
Two enormous eagleโs wings sprouted from her shoulders. Light shot through the feathers in a hundred shades of gold.
โReady?” I echoed her question, “Look, Iโve only just gotten here, and I donโt know where here is-โ
She held up a hand, silencing me. โThis could be the most important moment of your life. You better have an answer when he asks.โ
โWhen who asks what?โ
With one immaculate finger, she pointed up at the Golden letters floating above the gates.
What is the Most Important Rule of Writing?
โWhat happens if I donโt know the answer?โ
Her frown deepened.
Her voice was low and quiet, like the ruffling feathers of a falcon swooping over its prey:ย
โIf you get his question wrong, you will never be a writer. You will hate everything you ever write, and you will fail all of your most important writing goals and never pick up a pen again.โ
I swallowed. My fingers were numb. Was it possible to forget how to breathe?
โYouโd better go in.” she gestured at the gates. “He hasnโt got all day. Actually, I suppose he is the Great Creator of Time itself, but you understand. Best not to keep him waiting.โ
โRight,โ I said. Puffed out my chest in a way that (I hoped) hid the fact that I was about to vomit all over the nimbus-white clouds floating around my feet.
She flicked her hand at the gates, and the Golden Bars scraped open. A bright, shining sound that seemed to go on forever.
โGood luck.โ
The #1 Reason Writers โGive Up?โ
Hours,ย or maybe it was days, later… My back was pressed against the white cliff side.
Toes sticking out over the ledge. Wind threatened to peel me off the cliff and throw me downโฆ down where I dared not to look.
Stone cracked beneath my feet. Started to give. I sidestepped to the next outcropping, leaping as the ledge caved away.
And there He was:
He was smaller than I expected. Bonier, too. All elbows, knuckles, and knees.
Chisel in one hand, hammer in the other. Aย fine chalky powder covered him from head to toe.
My stomach flipped. I still didnโt have an answer. Sweat stung my brow, and it was just from the climb.
He was chipping away at the towering face of the Mountain, carefully etching into the stone. Tongue sticking out in concentration.ย
Until he looked up, and said:
โGoodbye now! It was a pleasure meeting you, I think. Safe travels, and all that.โ
“W-what?” I stammered, “I’ve only just got here.”
“Oh, yes,”ย He set down his tools, and used his long, white beard to wipe the sweat off his face. “Well, come over here then. What do you think so far?”
He gestured at the cliff face, rising miles above us.
I sidled over, careful to keep as far from the edge as possible. Looked up.
There were words chiseled into the cliff, running away as far as I could see – and further.
โRule of Writing #1,337,584-โ I read aloud. โAre there truly that many rules?โ
โYes. And no. Some people believe there arenโt any rules in writing at all.โ He leaned over conspiratorially and whispered – as if someone might hear us up here, a million, billion miles away from civilization. โAnd theyโre right, too.ย But all great writers know the rules, anyway.โ
โTo learn so manyโฆ itโs daunting.โ I said. โEnough to make any new writer give up this passion.โ
โNonsense!โ he shouted. โThere is only one reason any writer, new or old, quits writing.โ
โWhatโs that?โ
He turned back to the wall, and pointed up.
โRead for yourself. Itโs states clearly up there, at the top.โ
I coughed. And pretended I could read the tiny, microscopic letters that mustโve been several hundred miles above us.
Thankfully, he read it for me:
The #1 Reason Writers Quit… is Because They Get Bored.
โOh,โ I said. โThat sounds right.โ
โOf course it is. I wrote it.โ
โSo how do you avoid getting bored with your writing?โ
He turned to me, his honest, brown eyes twinkling like two incredibly small, yet impossibly bright stars. Beard twitching with a wide grin.
โThatโs what I was going to ask you.โ
After an impossible amount of time,ย an idea came to me:
Write What You Love
I spoke my answer aloud, and held my breath.
Waited for him to shout with a voice like a thousand elephants dive-bombing from on high – โYou areย WRONG!โ – and smite me from the mountaintop.
Instead, he gave a wheezy chuckle, and said, โThat’s about half of it!โ
โA lot of people,โ he continued, โTry to tell me โWrite what you know.โ But they don’t know what they’re saying.
Thatโs why you see so many new writers creating characters almost identical to themselves.
โHow did that one poet put it?โ he combed his fingers through his beard, and a shower of chalk dust rained down. โTis better to have loved and written, than not have written at all. Or something like that.โ
I wasnโt about to correct the Creator of Time itself.
But I did have questions:
โWhat about horror stories? What about tragedies and other awful thingsโฆ?โ
โAh,โ he said, bobbing his bald head up and down.
โTherein lies the other half of the answer-โ he interrupted himself and scratched at a spot in his beard. Small, plaster-colored chunks of stone tumbled loose. โWait. Did we talk about the first half of the answer already?โ
โWrite what you loveโฆโ
โAh, so we did. It’s hard to keep track of time, you know. It goes forwards, backwards. Once, I even saw it go sideways. Anyway, the second half isโฆโ
…And Write What You Hate
โAwful things happen to good people. And good things happen to awful people. Life isnโt fairโฆ ย and thatโs difficult for people to deal with.โ
โBut,”ย he said, “People want to deal with the tough questions in life. They crave emotional knowledge. How would a helpless girl deal with a mask-loving murderer? How does a young orphan survive in his war-torn country?
These are terrible, hideous things. But you canโt ignore them. You need to feel them, to know what it’s like.
โThatโs why writing is so wonderful,โ he said. โWhat better, safer place to deal with the worst parts of life than in the pages of a book? Or on a two-dimensional screen?โ
He straightened up. The cliffside shuddered and let out a creaking groan… as if the small, old, bony man weighed much, much more than he should have.
โNow, what did you need from me, again? Oh, right!โ he made a polite cough, and a torrent of chalk dust shot out from his mouth. โYouโre here for the test thingummy. Or did you already take it? Time is a little wibbly for me. Did I already say that?โ
โI am here for the test, yes.โ
โRight thenโฆ Tell me: what is the First Law of Writing?โ
The First Law of Writing: Write What You Care About Most
After many seconds – hours? days? centuries? – of thinking, I finally had it.
I could feel it bubbling up inside of me – the stroke of brilliance that you only get once in a lifetime.
I had the answer, and I had one chance to seize it:
โThe first law is to write whatever makes you feel.ย
When you write the things that you care about, it comes out so much easier. And itโll be more dear to your readers.
Skip the boring parts. Write whatโs cool and whatโs awful.
Write the things that are eating you alive. Write beautiful descriptions of unimaginable people.
The things that make you punch at walls, that make you sob, or want toย curl up into a ball and die.
Writing is special.ย Donโt waste your time – or your readersโ – on things you donโt care about.โ
The old man tugged at the end of his beard, looking up at the cliff face. โHmm,โ he said. โHmm.โ
โDid I pass?โ
โOh!โ he said, as if heโd forgotten I was there. โIโm sorry, time slipped away from me. Can you repeat that?โ
Writing Exercise
Set a timer for 10 minutes. Take your current project, and find one element that you think is the most interesting, cool, amazing, or terrifying aspect about it.
Write about that element:
- What makes it unique?
- What is the coolest thing about it?
- What is something you can do with itโฆ that you arenโt already doing in your story?
Thanks for reading!
I love this!! I don’t know how people pick a genre just so they can “write to market” because I couldn’t imagine dedicating my writing time to something I wasn’t excited/curious about. Great post.
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This made me smile at the end of a long day. But it is so very true. Easy enough for me who writes for pleasure, not so much for those who get paid. Thanks. ?
Thank you!
And honestly, I think writing for pleasure has to be half the journey to gwtting published. If you arent enjoying it, you wont keep at it… wont improve… Really, thats all published writers are; people who stuck with it.
I write for the sheer pleasure of it after writing for a living for decades. I’d like to be published if it happened by itself, but I don’t want to taint the pleasure by hustling.
I think that’s an incredibly admirable way to go about it. On my end, I enjoy thinking about how to get published… even if that mostly ends in failure. It’s a good goal to shoot for. Thank you for the comment!
That is a wonderful story. Very potent, and very enjoyable. Couching your literary lesson in such a way makes for a very interesting read. Thank you for sharing.
Love the contrast between the gatekeepers and the “master”.
Thank you! I’m really glad it worked for you. I’m still experimenting with this style… and trying to figure out how to make it a good story, without suffocating the “point” with too many words. Will probably do more like this in the near future, because I’m getting sick of writing listicles =D
Could even do a piece on your creative process in crafting one of these.
When I actually figure out the process =)
Yes, You are right! Writing must be authentic to ring true!
Dwight
Well, when you put it like that it seems so obvious! =D
But seriously, I can’t tell you how much I need to remind myself of this.
I like the concept and itโs beautifully written. I enjoyed it.
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Very creative P.S.
Excellent, P. S., I really enjoyed this! ๐
–Michael